Freedom To Chase

Freedom To Chase (P!ATD/TYV)


[This is slash. Don't like it? Then don't read. Thank you.]



The smoke leaves Brendon's lips, rising up in perfect circles. And he stares at it, waiting for it to separate and clear. The same thing happens as he watches it for about a minute, tapping his fingers on the sofa.

Spencer would probably choke him for this. Not for the smoking thing, since Spencer sneaks a few once in a while, but the not working thing. There's so much to do with so little time. The fans are getting impatient.

Brendon makes another smoke ring before closing his eyes. If anyone should be angry with him for this, it's Ryan.

"You bet your goddamned ass I'm pissed off."

Brendon opens his eyes, blinks, seeing one Ryan Ross standing in front of him… and that's it. Only Ryan's here. Brendon now sees that he's sitting on the floor, his couch missing. What the hell happened to his house? He checked the pack he bought this morning, and yes, it's not pot. It's just cigarettes. Maybe the factories found a way to sneak in the goods. Or maybe marijuana's been legalized in California now and he didn't hear the wonderful news. Ooh, he can call up Spencer and Shane and smoke up the place. It'll be like that time in the cabin!

This is awesome.

"Stop thinking, I can't keep up!" Ryan's face is scrunched, rubbing his temples.

This particular Ryan Ross is wearing eyeliner and earrings, and based on the Role Model shirt he's wearing, Ryan's just seventeen here. Brendon almost forgot how much the other man was a punk back then. It's almost cute if he didn't look so ridiculous.

Teen Ryan crosses his arms. "I look fine. This is cool in my time."

Brendon frowns, inhaling more nicotine before blowing it out, hitting Ryan's face. "What do you want, punk?" God, he's always wanted to say that.

Ryan uncrosses his arms, sighing. "Just come with me, okay?" He offers a hand, waiting for Brendon. The singer is still frowning, apparently thinking that Teen Ryan would rape him. "Just trust me, okay?"

Brendon's lips are in a tight line before taking Ryan's hand. Once he stood up, Teen Ryan pokes Brendon's tickle bone. "Stop calling me Teen Ryan."

And they walk. The singer looks back, seeing the cigarette burn away. Ryan tugs his hand and Brendon sees the burning stick disappear.



*



This is unnerving.

One second ago Jon was just pouring milk on Dylan's bowl and now he's holding the milk carton in front of Spencer Smith.

And not just any Spencer Smith, this one's the tight, baby pink t-shirt wearing, beardless Spencer Smith.

Jon could not stop staring. Spencer is wearing the same clothes the first time they met, twirling the same drumsticks that the drummer used to poke Jon's head because, well, Jon was staring at Spencer's smile. And four years later, he's still staring.

"I'll poke your head again if you don't stop."

"Did I…" Jon starts, but this doesn't make any sense. He looks around, and everything else disappeared. He's still holding the carton, but when he decides to drop it, it just vanished right before hitting the floor. Wait a minute. "I knew Ryan bought some bad food the other day. I should have-"

Girly Spencer laughs and Jon stops breathing. He stops twirling the sticks and points it at Jon. "Have you always doubted the people around you? Bad habit, Walker."

This time, the older man frowns.

"No, no, no. Don't do that," Spencer walks over, invading Jon's space. His blue eyes shine mischievously, his breath reaching Jon's lips. "I've never told you how much I liked your smile. When we went out that Saturday just the two of us because Bren was sick and Ryan said Moulin Rouge was on and somehow they ended up sleeping in the same bunk and you said we should give homage to fangirls by taking a picture of that and blackmailing Ryan for the next two months."

Jon laughs, loud and happy.

Spencer kisses his nose. "There you go." And he walks away. "Let's go, JWalk."

"Where we going?" He asks, already following.

"Does it really matter?"

Jon smiles wider. No, it really doesn't.



*



They were staring at the night sky, or it looks like part of a sky. Brendon casts a glance from one end of the sky to the next. It's like seeing part of a painting and being plastered above you.

Teen Ryan nudged his shoulder with his own. "Hey, moon eyes. Tell me what's on your mind."

Brendon raises an eyebrow. He doesn't really know what to say. This all feels so weird. In a space where only he and Ryan, though younger, exist, he always thought it would be romantic. Or something.

The sky began to expand until Brendon can no longer see where it begins and ends. Stars began to move and twinkle. A slight breeze keeps passing them with a slight hint of roses and vanilla.

Ryan sits down and pats a patch of grass beside him. Brendon sits down next to him.

"Remember when we bought you your red glasses?" He smiles, waiting for Brendon to remember. Of course the other man remembers, but not all of it. Ryan somehow senses it and his smile falters just a little.

A brilliant idea runs through him. "Wait here." Ryan stands up and Brendon watches him curiously. He begins to run towards nowhere it seems, and after a few seconds he disappears.

Something heavy rests in Brendon's stomach. He ignored it. "You still there?"

"Yeah! Just a sec."

Indeed, a second later, Ryan shows up wearing a shirt William Beckett lent him and his famous fauxhawk. The background vaguely looks like an optical shop, and a moment later, Teen Brendon walks in the scene, wearing his long-sleeved striped sweater.

"I already have contacts. I still can't figure out how you convinced me to buy those hideous glasses we saw yesterday." Brendon look warily. They're waiting for the specialist to give Brendon his new crimson eyewear.

Ryan ruffles Brendon's then black hair. "You love me."

Both Brendon and Teen Brendon blush and rub their cheeks.

When Brendon removes his contacts and puts on the red glasses, Ryan is beaming. "Look at that face." He cups Brendon's face.

Brendon remembers the week that followed that. Ryan kept saying the same thing in so many interviews, and Brendon always looks down at his feet with this stupid smile on his face.

"I remember." Brendon whispers, and Ryan looks back at him. "You can stop now." Teen Brendon and everything else vanish. No more shop, no sky, no breeze, just him and Teen Ryan.

The man stands up and walks away.

This time, Ryan follows.



*



Jon can't remember the last time he wanted to hold someone's hand this badly. Girly Spencer is walking beside him, twirling away those lucky sticks that are omnipresent in the boy's hands.

"Hey, hey. You hungry? I am. Want to go to one of Ryan's barbecues in the middle of August?"

Jon furrows his eyebrows. "We can do that?"

Girly Spencer smiles, and Jon's knees buckle slightly. Stupid knees. He's getting old. Spencer nods. "It's fun, actually. But since Ryan only ever had barbecues when we're all in our twenties, the two of us would be perceived as other people."

They see Ryan and a bunch of other people all over Ryan's lavish backyard. Spencer snaps his fingers in front of Jon's wondering face. "Think of a name now. Go on."

"I- I don't know. It has to be someone Ryan knows, right? I-"

Spencer snorts, eyes twinkling mischievously again. "Follow my lead, okay? When I lie through my teeth, just go along with it."

Ryan walks over to them in this brownish flowery shirt that looks like mud with plant pulp splatters. Spencer shakes his hand. "Barney, pimp lord of Chicago."

Jon's eyes almost pop out of his head.

But Spencer wasn't done. He pushed Jon a little and smiled. "This is my girlfriend Peach. And yeah, she's an exotic dancer so no touching, Ross."

Ryan laughs, holding up his hands in defeat. "Alright, alright. Nice to meet you, Peach." He offers a hand, a single dollar bill in his palm.

"Why-" Jon stops. His voice sounds like a girl. He glares at Spencer who's trying to stifle his laughter. "Goodbye, Ross."

And everything disappears.

Jon crosses his arms at Spencer. He coughs a little before speaking. "Funny, Smith."

Spencer shrugs modestly. He kisses Jon's cheek. "I like messing with your head."

When Jon walks away to hide his burning face, Spencer runs after him. And they again start walking side by side. To where, Jon still doesn't know.

He feels Spencer nudge his shoulder. "I also like making you question your sexuality."

Jon knows Spencer picked that up from Brendon. Ryan said so, mumbling something about unbelievable circumferences of asses or something like that.

"I kind of miss you. Did you know that?" Spencer sighs.

Jon keeps his arms crossed, more likely just protecting himself now. How can a memory of Spencer miss him? Maybe all this white space makes this younger Spencer feel small and helpless. Maybe that's why he's taken Jon and brought him here. "You miss me because you have nothing to miss this winter."

He walks on, walking past Girly Spencer.

After a significant amount of silence, Jon looks back. He looks back and sees Spencer in his rightful age, so far away from him.

Jon still loses his breath.

Spencer smiles emptily at him. "I miss you because I miss you." He walks the other direction, vanishing after a few steps.

Jon stares at the bench.


*



Brendon has not heard Ryan talk this much in like ever. When Brent introduced them to each other, Ryan was trying to be all mysterious and stuff.

"I was trying to impress you. I think we both know you thought I was sexy."

It was so not sexy. Brendon thought he was hot, sure, but not because of all the 'mystery'.

Ryan is looking around. For what, Brendon has no clue. "What exactly are we doing here?" It feels like Brendon's sneakers are starting to peel.

Teen Ryan stares back at him and smiles. Brendon looks down as sand started to form under his shoes and a second later, his sneakers are gone. When he looks back up, Ryan is wearing a thin white shirt and rolled up jeans. Twenty-four and still stunning.

"I'm trying to make it up to you."

Brendon blinks. "I… What? Are you sure I'm not high or at least dreaming?"

Ryan then frowns. "Bren, I'm trying here." When Brendon doesn't move, he sighs. He turns his back and stares across the sea that's coming their way. "We're free to do what we want, chase after who we want."

There's something close to a heart attack going on inside Brendon's chest.

"I don't want any more hearts to hurt." Ryan smiles and shakes his head. "All my life I've always thought how foolish I am." The waves brush Ryan's feet.

Brendon sees his own jeans rolling up on their own so he walks towards his friend. He sees Ryan point and Brendon smiles when he sees dolphins jump out. "I love you anyway."

"Tell me that when you see me, okay?" He places something in Brendon's shirt pocket, smiles one last time at him before disappearing.

Brendon felt okay this time. He sees a bench and decides that's the safest way to go. Expecting to find Ryan sitting there, he startles when he sees Jon looking under the bench.

"Looking for your mandals or Spencer's shoes?" Jon bumps his head on the bench and Brendon flinches. "Sorry mate."

Jon sits on the floor and rubs his temple. "Don't sneak up on me. I already have Ryan for that."

Brendon holds out his hand and pulls Jon up. They sit down on the bench.

"So…" Jon begins. "Are you real or do you like messing with my head too?"

"Both." Brendon feels around his pockets for a cigarette but only finds one of Ryan's chocolate bars. He grins despite himself and offers some to Jon. "I take it Spencer led you here."

Jon frowns before biting the chocolate. Spencer loves chocolates. "He left me here. Don't blame him though. I've been an ass, in this world and in ours."

"Hmm…" Brendon still can't believe what just happened with Ryan, so maybe Jon could enlighten him. "What's up with you guys? I heard your tour was great."

Jon looks amused. "You're being nice."

Well, that was tact.

But then they both see The Young Veins backstage. Jon and the others are already buzzing with excitement. Ryan, on the other hand, is shaking slightly. Not enough for others to notice, but he is.

Brendon's hands itch.

Ryan takes deep breaths, rubbing his wrists.

Jon blinks. "What's that?"

Brendon keeps quiet and just watches.

Ryan stops rubbing, just holding his wrist. He takes heavy breaths and nods. "You're always with me." He nods again and smiles before joining the others and starting the show.

When everything thins out, Brendon pulled out his old bracelet from his shirt pocket. He remembers throwing this out at some body of water about a year ago. "It's a bracelet with my name on it. Like this one."

Jon took it and saw Ryan's name on this one instead. "I have a feeling you two would end up together when you're like, seventy."

They both look away from the bracelet when they see that they're inside one of their old tour buses.

Ryan and Brendon are sitting on one of the couches, watching TV, seemingly not at all aware how much they look like they're cuddling. Spencer and Jon are in the small dining table, huddled.

Jon remembers this one.

Spencer is contemplating something before bringing out five hundred dollar bills. "I think sixty would be their year. They wouldn't wait that long to bone each other. Ryan doesn't like wrinkles."

"Ah…" Jon smiles, raising his index finger. "You're forgetting how stubborn those two can be. Let's say, sixty if they get married to someone else, their marriages would end, if not already. About sixty-five they'll meet up again, try and test if the waters are still hot. Then BAM on their seventies."

Spencer bites his lip before looking at Jon. "If I were them, I wouldn't waste any time."

And then Brendon remembers what happens next.

Jon grins, stands up and carries Spencer like a bride. "Let's set a very good example." When they passed the other two, who looked so bewildered, Spencer placed his arms around Jon's neck.

Brendon is still staring after them. "Want to stay in my bunk again? They'll probably make yours move with their happy times." Ryan blushes, but it's hard to tell.

"Nothing happened!" Jon screams, and Brendon begins to laugh when everything vanished. Jon crosses his arms again. "And you two totally made out after that. There are no walls in that bus, Bren."

Brendon smirks. "I totally got Ryan off that night."

"What the hell?" Jon covers his ears, and horror sets in him as he sees the bus trying to reappear again. "No you didn't!"

The other man shrugs. "You started it!"

Because it just felt right, they stand up and started walking. The bench disappears.

Snow started falling from nowhere and Brendon holds up his hands. Jon catches a few in his tongue and they tasted sweet.

"Of course you make it snow, Bren. Of course."

The two look away from the snow to see Ryan and Spencer standing a few feet away. Spencer hands Jon a scarf and actual shoes. Ryan starts working on Brendon.

The drummer pokes Jon. "Ryan made the place feel like a normal summer, like the ozone layer isn't full of holes." Jon just smiles and gives Spencer a hug.

Brendon and Ryan are standing awkwardly next to each other. Well, awkward because Ryan wrapped up Brendon too much to keep him warm. Brendon looks like a ball with arms and legs.

He makes grabby hands. "C-Can't breathe."

"Shit," Ryan immediately swats away some of the fabric until Brendon is again man-shaped. "Sorry, sorry. You always just get so sick so easily, I thought-"

Brendon cups Ryan's face with one glove clad hand. "Hey." Ryan is looking at him, and it's only now that he sees. Ryan's always been looking at him the same way that Brendon looks at Ryan.

Spencer tugs Jon's sleeve. "I change my bet to now. They'll bone each other now."

Jon laughs.

It feels like falling in love, at least right now, this time in their lives. It's simple presence, above all else, just them in this moment. Their moment.

They just keep forgetting that, the four of them. It's having the freedom to chase that.